acropetal succession

kababawan

2007-07-22T00:17:00.000-07:00

i am in a dilemma. to pass or not to pass?
xet. pinatagal ko pa kasi eh. dapat pinass ko nalang nung friday kahit mali mali. this is the problem with me. i always run and hide. and in the end nagiging mas malala lang ang lahat. i don't want to pass anymore. i just want to think about other things that are more important right now. but then, if i don't pass this thing...flat zero. that is totally katangahan.but hey, if i pass this, what do i get? 25% of the grade. haha.. that is if may answers are right pa..yeeah.. shit tinatamad na talaga ako! eh what if pagbutihin ko nalang yung mga susunod? pwede rin.. kaso lang what if tanungin ako ng prof where the hell is my graphical analysis by the end of the sem? answering tinamad ako kaya di ko ginawa is definitely not an option. pero nakakahiya rin naman kasi kung ngayon lang ko magppass.. decide, decide..
1. i don't know how to do it.
2. it's already very very late.
3. i am not in the mood to do it.
4. i have a lot of other things to do.
but still. i should pass. i can do this!

wala lang.

2007-07-07T02:04:00.000-07:00

first long exam namin sa thursday sa math 53. i'm doomed. wala akong naintindihan sa mga pinagsasabi ni sir wong. letnye. pagkagulo-gulong epsilon delta definition. limits lang naman ang pinatutunguhan. putek. pero this time hindi na ko magrereklamo. anong irereklamo ko e gagamitin ko naman talaga to sa course ko. eto ang hirap sa college. wala ka ng excuse, lalo na kung second year ka na. di tulad ng highschool.. "halur, anong gagawin ko sa MAPEH? sa PE? sa TLE? eh mag kaya ako. konek?" hay buhay, sana tanduay ka nalang. lalong tumatagal laolong sumasarap. kaso, hindi eh. lalong tumatagal lalong humihirap ka. gusto ko ng tumalon sa overpass! waaaaaaah! suicidal nako lataley..hehe. ayaw ko ng mag-isip. ayaw ko na talaga. gusto ko nalang maging bula at bigla nalang mawala. obvious ba, nahihirapan nako. sobra. hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin ko. math ba, physics ba, o chem ba. sa mantalang yung mga classmate ko may panahon pang magsasali ng org. sino ba kasing nagsabing mag-shift ako? at lalo ng magtransfer ako? ang sarap na ng buhay ko sa baguio iniwan ko pa! pusang gala. itong lalong mas mahirap. ako din ang sasalo sa tanong na yun. ako nag-desisyon eh. sana man lang pinilit ako, para naman may masisi ako. kaso hindi eh. may pagrow-grow pa kasi akong nalalaman. nag-ggrow ba ko? feeling ko nabobobo lang ako eh. sana kasi kasing talino ko nalang rin sila. konting explain lang gets na. bakit kasi ang slow ko? nagtataka din ako. after 48 years bago ako mapa-"ahh". sa kakaisip ko, naisip kong baka kulang lang ako sa focus at time management. matagal ko naring problema ang dalawang yun ha..ngayon pa sila lumala. basta. ayaw ko na. ayaw ko na. ayaw ko na!!!!!!! pero kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na ayaw ko na, hindi parin ako makaalis. ano naman kasing gagawin ko? aalis sa school? tatambay sa bahay? magtatrabaho? hindi pwede yun. kaya kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na ayaw ko na, hindi ako pwedeng sumuko. marami pang ibang mangyayari pag sinuko ko ito. sesermonan ako ni budj. sisipain at kakagatin ako ni aika. lilibre ko si father. kamusta naman yun. at hindi rin ako pwedeng tumalon sa overpass. alam ko naman, mas malaking katangahan yun. hindi naman matatapos ang problema kung hindi haharapin. edi harapin. zero kung zero. sabi naman ni father laging talo sa una ang mga bida. kung si naruto nga tatlong beses bumagsak sa kagebunshin eh. pero hindi ko naman totally tutularan si narito. hindi naman ako pwedeng buamagsak ng tatlong beses noh! bahala na si lord.

weekend nanaman. tapos buajs, sunday na..babalik nanaman ako. tapos monday na. ayaw ko ng monday.

oo nga pala, na-invite ko sa isang org. umbrella org ng beta sigma. exclusive for girls. exclusive din a sense na hindi laht ng babae ay pwedeng sumali. i repeat, org xa. hindi soro. i felt honored xempre. pero i declined the offer. nakausap ko sila. tumambay ako saglit sa tambayan and all..hindi sa ayaw ko sila kaya ako tumanggi. ang bait nga nila eh. alam kong marami silang maitutulong sakin at marami akong matututunan sa kanila. siguro magiging kasundo ko rin sila if i gave that opportunity a chance..kaso alam kong hindi ako yung tipong mahilig sa org. generally. as in wala akong balak sumali sa kahit anong org. ewan. loner yta ako? wala lang. xempre hindi naman dahil ayaw ko ng mga bagong kaibigan.. pero parang masaya na ko sa kung pano ako ngayon. masaya na ko sa low profile. haha..un. feeling ko na0offend sila sa hindi ko pagsali. kasi nga naman, hindi naman laht iniinvite nila.. pero ganun talaga eh..

ito siguro ang pinakamahabang post ko. haha.

oo nga pla, nalaman ko kahapon na kaya hindi nahuhumling ang aking crush sa akin ay dahil..inggit xa sakin..pero hindi pa naman confirmed yun. sabi nga ni chony, "hindi ibig sabihin na tuyo ang buhok ay hindi na naliligo".

ok. nakapglabas nako ng hinanakit sa mundo..gagawa nako ng lab report. =)

2007-07-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

the only time i blog is during paper-writing times. so guess what i am supoosed to be doing right now. yep, that must be it.

it's been a month since the first day of classes. i have been collecting bokyas ever since and it doesn't feel good. it makes me want to jump in an overpass and cause traffic.

*the song playing is very inspiring. it helps me pour out my sentiments. ohh, you touched my tralala.

putek. pati pagddrama di ko na mgawa. haha. sa susunod na nga lang.

ngttka rin ako.biglan tagalog ung dulo.

2007-06-10T17:01:00.000-07:00

its been a while...

i've made my decision. i don't know if it's bad or good. but the thing is, i'm the one who made it. all by myself. well, with some advices guiding me from people..haha.. after seventeen years of breathing, it's only now that i've made a decision this big that it took me months to think about it.

goodbye fog. hello smog.
goodbye 75 degrees inclined roads. hello overpass.
goodbye strawberries.hello isaw near the college of law.
goodbye session raod.hello sm north.
goodbye pond.hello where the hell i am gonna stay.
goodbye bio quatro. hello blockless living.
goodbye library.hello libraries.
goodbye comfort zone. hello danger.

goodbye my beloved baguio.hello diliman.
goodbye bio.hello chem.

i am again standing in ground zero.

i don't know anyone. i don't know anything.
will i be able to cope up with the people, with the system?
what will happen?
this uncertainty scares me. really really scares me.
the truth is, i don't want to begin all over again.
i don't want to leave the things that already are a part of me.

but then, letting this opportunity pass will be synonymous to binding myself.i'd be limiting my potentials and my growth. i'd be the same karen forever and ever and ever. stagnation.

so i will go. despite the fear.despite the anxiety.

when you dream, it won't just be realized in a minute. you'd have to undergo death first. in how many reaction papers have i written this truth? how come it is only now that i have fully grasped its meaning?

kahit anong mangyari, *TANGA TAYONG LAHAT. di lang ako. pati ikaw.pati sila.

*vandal sa isang unknown building inside UPD.

"sa isang concert, hindi m alam kung anong mangyayari. pwede kang mapahiya at mabote ng bote. kaya, practice your heart out. pwede rin nmn kasing palakpakan ka diba?"--ej

nung ngkasabay sabay ang mga survey at research eklabu nung 4th year, nkpagtatakang lgi kong kagroup si kuya aaron. lagi niyang sinsabi ang "bahala na si batman".napass nmn nmin lhat..

bhala na si batman.

2007-05-22T03:30:00.000-07:00

two more papers to go and summer term will finally be over! yebba!

i really really really enjoyed this summer. the three weeks of waiting in lines just to cross register was all worth it. =)

sampaguita residence hall, mr. dante L. ambrosio, ma'am tonet, judo classmates and mam rey--ikkwento ko tlga to, pramis.

may post nq!!!

2007-04-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

wah! i'm back! it's been a long time since i last posted here. been busy waiting in lines xe. if i can only describe the suffering i endured (background: sunugin ang UP! sunugin!). anyway, saka ko na ikekwento ang aking exploits from baguio to angeles to diliman to manila and to kung saan saan pa. what's important now is that,, i succeeded! after those three weeks of hirap, i'm finally and officially enrolled under the subjects that i planned to take. err, maybe except for my PE class that is..haha..guess what my PE class is!!!

JUDO!

the good news is, there is no kicking involved unlike in karate. the bad news is, you need to learn how to fall, roll, do cartwheels and to have a lifetime supply of salonpas since you will be thrown in a not really nice way. repeatedly.

i am aching all over.

needless to say, i am not performing very well. wtf, i am not accustomed to such brutality! but then, i am starting to enjoy it na..(in fact i was practicing my cartwheels earlier. i have a problem raising my right foot. it just won't go to the righ direction!) so maybe i will also be sanay later on in life narin. and oh, i have a belt! of course, white palang. but just wait. who knows, next time you'll see me, i'm a red belter na! waha! tapos iinom narin ako dun sa water dispenser na may "for varsities only". xet.

o un.un muna. magsisimba pako. i'll pray na sana manatili paring intact skeletal system ko through this week. haha. masakit talaga.

naughty me.hehe.

2007-04-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

aq: ma, pwdng pabutas ng tenga? (2nd ear pierce)
mama:di pwd. wlang doctor na gnun.
aq:tatanggalin ko nmn pag doctor nq.
mama:di pwd.
aq:pls?
mama:di pwd.

pero ang totoo nian, meron na. haha. buti nlng di ngbbsa ng blog si mama.

ang init sa pilipinas.

2007-03-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

MABUHAY PHILIPPINES!

atsu ku nanaman keng angeles. home sweet home. yes! summer vacation na!

TEN days lang BREAK ko. itong holy week lang. mag-ssummer kasi ako. it's either in Baguio or Diliman. Di pa planado ang details but i will certainly take up summer classes. ayaw kong amagin sa bahay. i just need time to watch koreanovela marathons and then..SABAK NA!oh yes! it is seldom that i crave for learning. so better hit while the iron is hot. tama ba yun? parang album lang ng orange and lemons ah..
__

umuwi ako ng hindi inaayos ang iniwan ko. so me. i said i was a fighter. but then, all i ever did was to run away. tuloy, sa kakaiwas ko sa problema, ayun, lalong lumalala. ilang bese ng ngyari sakin to. when will i ever learn? at ilang bese ko narin bang tinanong ang sarili ko ng when will i ever learn?
__

hindi naman paper tong ginagawa kokaya okay lang na wala ng punctuation marks.
__

speaking of paper, HINDI ako nag-pass ng papaer sa socsci 13. haha. hindi naman kaya nag-rrecord ung teacher. pahirap sa buhay lang kung pagtutuunan ko pa yun ng pansin sa kasagsagan ng finals.
__

speaking of finals, bagsak yata akong math 14. pusang gala, wag nmn sana.
__

di pa ko nagssubmit ng requirements for transper. pakshit. pano ako lilipat niyan?
__

may 4 na libro akong hindi nabalik sa lib. 2 weeks. mga 15 days. times two. bali mga 30 pesos each book. times four. 120. leche, 5 books ata yun ah.
__

di pa pla ako ngbbyad ng boarding house. sana wag muna nila itaon gamit ko.
__

di pa ko ngcCRS. wala akong kinabukasan nito.
__

at hanggang ngayon, hindi ko parin alam ang gagain kay GATORADE.
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sino si gatorade? haha. si fiorella kasi ang weird magbigay ng code. e sa kadahilanang walang ibang maisip nung mga oras na yun at nakasanayan narin, ayun, xa na si gatorade.
__

sorry for being so damned messed up. i am not asking you to understand. you are entitled to your freedom to judge. *message for gatorade only*
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as if naman binabasa niya blog ko. duh. alam niya bang may blog ko? anyway, it's better this way.
__

DRUGS!(codename din from fio.hehe)kung di ka lang gwapo..sana pangit ka nalang!
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magulo ang utak ko. wlang patutunguhan ang buhay ko. hindi ko alam.hindi ko alam.
__

hindi pa to tapos. naisipan ko lang manuod ng dvd. i shall return.

sabi ko na eh!

2007-03-31T07:48:00.000-07:00

napakabarriotic ng post na ito.

2007-03-16T20:35:00.000-07:00

kaninang umaga pa ko disoriented. muntik na nga ko masagasaan eh. hai nko. tpos di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. ang dami kasi. di ko alam kung anong uumpisahan. one week nalang...huling banat na to... at eto ako, nauwi sa internet cafe, nagblog, at nag-sayang ng oras at pinanood ang bagong video ni avril.
excuse: i just need time to slow things down for a while.

speaking of avril, i don't know if i liked her new music video or not.

anyway, hmm..wala lang..

i'm enjoying things now. although stressed parin, i can now smile.

thank you father and mr.wil. :)

"emotions last for only twelve minutes. the rest are self-inflicted."
sa madaling sabi, nag-iinarte lang ako.

ah ganito nalang, kwento ko nalang ang aking jinx week.

i cannot anymore remember when it started. basta this week. ganito kasi yun..isang gabi, atat akong mag-charge ng phone dahil i am on the brink of finding my long lost crush named SAMUEL SURIAGA (trivia: sobrang crush ko yun nung grade three. kso bigla xang naglaho for an unkown reason at yun nga, hindi na muling nag-krus ang aming landas). so yun, sinaksak ko yung charger sa extension sa kwarto. kso ayaw mag-charge. lumabas ako, tiningnan ko kung nakasaksak yung extension. hindi siya nakasaksak. e di sinaksak ko. tapos...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

may nag-spark na parang lusis from the plug. the next thing i know, madilim na.

sa kasagsagan ng pghahanap ko sa aking crush at sa pagseseryoso ng aking pag-aaral, namatayan kami ng kuryente. nkkairita ang feeling kapag bahay niyo lang ang madilim habang maliwanag sa lahat. lalo na pag ikaw ang may pakana ng mga pangyayari.

pero wla eh. tiningnan na ng boardmate ko. di daw simpleng sira. nung oras na yon, inisip ko narin kung san ako lilipat. xempre, tinxt ko si tita mel. sabi niya bukas nalang daw. so, wlang magawa dahil madilim, tinulog ko nalang.

the next day...

naisipan kong mag-maganda kaya nag-sandals ako. one inch lang naman takong nun... pero dahil siguro itinadhan, nagyari ang di inaasahan. nadapa ako. haha. as in todo landing sa sahig. yung tipong nasubsub. until know i still have the bruises. buti nalang lagi akong nka-pants kaya kembot lang ang lola mo. dahil may psok ako nun at in fairness, late nako.. tumayo lang ako na parang walang ngyari at pumuntang skul. wlang nkakaalam na ang sakit ng tuhod ko. haha. buti nalang wlang nakakita. hahaha.

tapos nun..

tapos ng zoo nmin, we went to the lib.. pagpasok ko..

tut-tut-tut-tut-tut.

nagiskandalo ako sa lib. nabulgar ang laht ng laman ng bag ko at nabulabog laht ng papasok at palbas ng lib. yung pesteng organizer lang pla nag dhilan.

eto pa.. papuntang sm.. natapilok nnman ako. buti nalang nasalo ako ni fiorella. haha.. di ko alm kung bakit ako natatapilok. dati nga two inches pa heels ko at umaakyat pa ko ng isang 75 degrees inclined plane pero di naman ganito..

tapos nung papauwi na ko.. habang inaakyat ko ang nabanggit na 75 degrees inclined plane, i was really praying na sana may ilaw na kami.. sabi ko di ko na hahanapin si samuel mag-kailaw lang kami. guess what, may ilaw na nga kami pag-uwi ko. so... parang ayaw lang ni lord na ma-locate ko siya...haha..

next day...

practical exam sa chem! analysis of cations and anions. sa kamalasmalasan, napunta sakin ang 'white solution' habang blue at orange ang sa kanila. habang alam na nilang copper at iron ang kanila, wala akong idea kung pano ma-iidentify ang sakin. naiiyak na nga ko eh. pero.. with the Lord's help.. nakuha ko naman.. finals nalang problem ko! yahoo!

hai.. nabawasan na ang kaguluhan na aking nadarama. uwi muna siguro ako. mag-lalaba. haha. napakabariotic ng post na ito.

random thoughts

2007-03-02T10:23:00.001-08:00

free food. free internet usage. only means one thing.
ATSU KU KENG ANGELES.
eku byasang sasabing kapampangan. ditak mu. ali ku pa gagamitan correctly itnag words na balu ku. kahit na. i still consider myself a kapampangan. ngayon ko lang na-realize. proud akong maging isang kapampangan!
___

home is still home. kahit mainit at maraming restrictions.

___

i will be going to UP Manila and Diliman on Monday. just visiting.hope to study kahit saan sa dalawang yun next year. sana di ako ipahamak ng zoo at chem at math. leche. i still have one month to go. kaya pa. kakayanin.

...

pero bat ganun. parang ayaw ko ng mag-transfer. i'm loving baguio na ata. its nice here. there pala. the weather, the people, the culture, and my blocmates- gonna miss them. eh pano nga if i finish my studies there nalang? what if I graduate holding a BS Bio degree? OO, wala mxadong job offers and for sure i will be forced to go to Med School... but what if i still give it a shot? bakit ba kasi gusto kong makipagpatayan sa manila?

here i go again. confused. disturbed.
__

isa kang kabute. lulubog -lilitaw. ano to, pag naiinip ka sa buhay mo , you'll use me to kill time. pakshit tol. kung gusto mong maglokohan, then fine with me. maglokohan tayo. one day you'll see the importance of the things you take for granted.

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kung di ka lang kasi weird, di sana ikaw nalang. sabi nga ni fio, dalawang ligo pa.

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kalanjutan I

2007-02-24T03:05:00.000-08:00

hanapin ang dila ni cherrie.

sabi niyo magbebeh tayo!

anong trip ko dito?

wala akong masabi.

paa ko yung nasa gitna ng star.

ulit.

habang busy kami sa pag-aayos ng shades ni cherrie,

busy din si kristel.

yan ang pose.

hindi complete ang picturan pag wala ang

pose na to.

pacute ang usapan. cherrie, ano yan?

fiorella, cherrie, karen.

kristel, fiorell, cherrie

with shades.

yun yun eh.

kristel, fiorella, karen.

si kristel yun adik.

oo, may shades kaming lahat.

pano, sabay sabay kaming bumili sa burnham kanina. haha.

...sana lagi nalang ganito...

the first time i said ****.

2007-02-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

i am so damn tired of my life. everything is going too fast that i am unable to grasp anything. i am not happy. i am not going anywhere. everyday, i just get more and more disappointed with myself . i feel useless. i feel like a crap. i feel dumb. i feel insecure. i am thinking too much. simply put, i am currently swimming in a pool of depression. i'm still clinging for dear life, but if this continues, i will eventually drown. nearing nervous breakdown here.
i have tried milkshake, ice cream, chocolates...but i'm still far from feeling better.
and what's the cause of my lame self pitying? duh. academics. it is my life right now. though i hate the fact that it is stasrting to control my life, i just can't help it. i am not getting what i want and it makes me feel..arggh..i can't describe it...and that adds to the anger circulating all over me right now.
note: what i feel is not anger. it's just something of that sort.
i flunked math. class standing is NOT good. Zoo and Chem are not helping. with this state, the idea of attending the college scholar chorvs isn't really appealing. that will be humilitation in its most conspicuous form. am i using the word correctly? i can't even write right. or blog right? whatever.
even blooging lost its soothing effect.
i want to give up. i just want to sleep.
give up.
give up.
give up.

** do not think that i have turned into a grade conscious monster. i don't believe so. i am just disappointed with myself.f*ck.
(i don't really use that word. see how disappointed i am right now?)

i am not sure if you understand me. so please don't judge me.

HELP ME.

TGIF

2007-02-09T02:12:00.000-08:00

thank God its friday. finally. i think i survived this week.
i flunked a lab exam in zoology 10. yup. embarassing (not really. only three people passed. they barely survived.), dissapointing, frustrating. @#$%^*& tissues.
***
but then, cursing tissues wouldn't make me feel better. it wasn't even their fault that they are too damned complicated anyway.
***
i hate me. i know i could have done more. i could have studied more. i could have exerted more effort. i am dissapointed with myself.
***
what the hell is happening to me?! why am i like this? come on karen, wake up!!!
***
we had another major lab exam earlier this day. i think the results of this one would be better than our previous exam. hope so. i exerted effrort memorizing those muscles. plus their insertion, origin and action too.
***
but still, i am not contented.
***
i know i can do more. i can.
***
this is it. i have to show that "more".
***
btw, been to a muslim mosque last wednesday. they gave us free booklets and merienda too. haha.
***
BUSH, you are so damn wrong about these people.MUSLIM PEOPLE are better than what is known regarding them. in fact, they are even better than us. they are even better than you BUSH. they are not terrorists as the media and our society has defined them to be. they are not who you defined them to be. they are merely defending themselves. they are merely fighting for their rights. they are merely demanding RESPECT. unfortunately, we always fail to give that to them. why? because we are blinded by those tie wearing americans who are too selfish to even bother. hellllllllllllooooooooooooooooo world! duh, they are just "white". why do we idolize them so much? arggh. the so called american accent, imported items, hollywood...what else? they are not the most intelligent people in the world. they are not even the most beautiful race. they are just good at glamorizing stuff. the point is, we are just STUPID.
let us not worship them. they don't deserve it. let us not even fear them. they don't deserve it either. why will we be afraid of people who are insecure of themselves? yes, insecure. it is their insecurity that drives them to search for superiority.
i am not good in grammar, even in spelling. i hate math and i can't develop nuclear bombs. but i can give respect. and that makes me powerful than you, BUSH.

PEOPLE, THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL DEMOCRACY. USE IT. USE IT WELL.

--from the heart of a true blue UPian.

***
okay, so much for that.
***
speaking of UPians...
***

U-Nibersidad ng Pilipinas!
U-Nibersidad ng Pilipinas!
U-Nibersidad ng Pilipinas!
U-Nibersidad ng Pilipinas!

Matatapang, matatalino,
walang takot, kahit kanino,
hinding hindi nagpapahuli!
Ganyan kaming mga taga-UP!

***
that cheer never fails to encourage me. i wouldn't let go of this school, whatever it takes.
***
last na, pumunta kaming bell church kanina!!(konek?!) wla lang,, ganda!! bukas ko na kwento. mahal na to.

just whine. its therapeutic.

2007-02-01T01:03:00.000-08:00

i will die. school is so damn hard. teachers give you tests everyday. as in major exams-the kind that pulls your grades down-everyday. as if the subject their handling is your major major. i don't even have a major yet but i'm suffering. i don't know how i will fit everything with just 24 hours. i wish God made 48 hours per day instead. then i'll have enough time to sleep so as to prevent the death of my brain cells. (half of them are already burried. a quarter still struggles for dear life. and the remaining ones are not working.)
with all the work, i am not sure if i will still be able to even step on the gates of diliman or see manila's version of oble.
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
i have laid out my plans. math killed it once. it won't be successful again. with the remaining two months, the pressure will start to build up. build up plang. xet. i wonder if i'm still breathing the moment it reaches its peak. anyway. whatever happens, this is it. if i'll have to die, i will. i have to get to where i should be.
my beginner's luck has run out. too bad i have no felix whatever-the kind harry has. so what? luck may not be there. but hardwork won't surely leave. i guess it's all up to me.
i will.
***
finished skinning my frog.
luckily, they're already drowning in formaline when they were distributed. they were in this bucket and each student has to scoop out his frog. eeew. i didn't went through that part. my classmate alvi did it for me. haha.
but i did skinned my own frog.
at first, i can't really touch it. i just looked at it for some time. then little by little, i finally got the courage. the next thing i knew, i was happily cutting its abdomen. aww. i felt the texture of its skin under my tw0-layered gloves. wasn't bad after all.
caryl, kristel and i finished it earlier outside cary'ls apartment. people were passing and as kristel narrated, one even said "weird".
well, it's not everyday you see girls laughing while holding skinless frog. haha.
btw, i named mine elyon. wala lang. *naughty smile*.
***
when i was walking home to fetch elyon, i felt my bag got heavy. i turned around without expecting anything. i saw two men behind me as my phone fell in the pavement.
"miss, phone mo nahulog."
i picked my phone and walked calmly. i turned my bag around. it's unzipped. pick-pockets.
first time to experience that one. and boy it won't happen ever again.
buti nalang mga tanga natapat sakin.
***
it's freezing cold out here.
floredy and ophelia gave me small toblerone bars last week. i inserted the toblerones for i wanted to savor them while i lie in bed peacefully. after a long walk, i went home and went straight to my room. as i changed to my pajamas, i saw the chocolates that i saved earlier. they have undergone the process of melting due to the...just figure. too tired to go to the kitchen or even think of eating, i placed the chocolates in the drawer. the next morning, woah. they're hard again. therefore, i conclude that my drawer also has the properties possessed by that oif the fridge.
***
collecting images of tissue types from the net.
***
will go home during the weekends? or will i stay to watch kitchie nadal? hmm..
***
finish.
***
large font for wilson molina.

smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2007-01-30T23:36:00.000-08:00

just started my drums lessons. hmm.. how to describe it? well, i looked like a fool in front of a somehow cute teacher. i don't know the notes. i keep on mixing the quarter and the half. ma'am emee will cut my head off if she learns about this. anyway, i'll just study ahead next wednesday. i'll practice with all my heart!
grabe, his hands was so soft...hayy...
tell more about it later. finishing a paper.
lecheng buhay puro paper.

just to blog.

2007-01-30T01:44:00.000-08:00

i wasn't really able to study for our last chem lab long exam. and now i suffer. you see, i'm still alive. i did not die of coffee overdose. damn. i didn't even had a cup. haha. i just slept. anyway, there's always another LE.
mediocrity-these past few days, i am its walking concept.
***
will start my drums lessons tomorrow. can't wait.
***

i have a dreaded LE tomorrow and i am goofing around.

2007-01-27T22:19:00.000-08:00

we will have a chem lab LE tomorrow. midterms. and i haven't studied yet. i tried. yesterday. i even went to the library and carried a heavy GENERAL CHEMISTRY book. i opened my notes and i read. information just won't diffuse through my brain cells though. they are currently showing they're protest against the fluid mosaic model which says they should be semi-permeable. good for me. i ended up sneaking a bar of chocolate in the library. and look, i still have time to blog. I'll die tonight. cause of death: coffee overdose.
and i still have a speech to make.. we'll be having an oral exam in English 1. and oh, a draft for a paper in soc sci13. and another long exam in zoo lab. i still have to implant on my brain cells how they look like under the microscope. boy will they be shocked. haha.
***
i bought strawberries. funny, second sem will already end and it is only now that i bought strawberries. well, for one thing it's because they're expensive. 40 pesos per kilo.
***
i am shocking myself lately. i will be taking DRUMS lessons. there is something wrong here. it sounds awkward. drums lessons. haha. weird. anyway, you get the idea. just tell me what's wrong. i didn't tell my parents about it. it will just be some sort of surprise. i'll pay the lessons with my savings. would-be savings, i mean. just one more thing, we don't have drums at home. maybe i should just take guitar lessons. enlighten me people of the world. what should i take?
***
bought a new nail polish. can't wait to color my toe nails away.
***
been blog-hopping. sadness. almost everyone i know are experiencing heart aches. i may not understand how they really feel but i know its really bad. i wish i could do something for them. just tell me guys.
***
i finally saw what i have been looking for. a painting manual/ err..instruction book. whatever. i'll paint. though i don't know how, I'm positive. I'll learn.
***
to my ever dearest father solomon turiano: with all my heart, i thank you for granting my request.

***
i promise to study. and to use my time wisely. effective an hour after i type this period. there.
***
(got this from pre's blog)

"Man tries to search for the reason, for that driving force, for that energy, for that power, in order for him to survive in this round plane, and to know why he exists. When he finds it, is he satisfied?"

i would never rush a paper again. ever.

2007-01-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

my zoology paper sucks. i hate it. i hate me for not doing it earlier. and now it sounded like a pro-life advertisement. it is crap. but i would be leaving in about an hour. i cannot do anything about its crappiness anymore. i should have blogged less and thought about stem cells more.

i knew this would happen but i didn't care. and now, behold the consequences.

i knew that would happen but i did not stop. and now i looked like an utter fool.

i live life in a way that is similar to my way of finishing papers. in a rush. plans without actions.

that is why my paper and my life are also similar. pointless.

the only dissimilarity is, i have time to change my life. i cannot undo but i can always type something new.

i am not making sense.

2007-01-14T14:24:00.000-08:00

my so called brain does not anymore exist. i kid you not. i have been trying to finish this zoology paper since last night. i just can't think anymore.

i'm gonna die.soon.

2007-01-14T06:35:00.000-08:00

i look like Hermione. when she went to the yule ball. haha.

i was just sitting in a corner earlier, ranting about my bushy hair when my father came. he told me to go with him as he will be having his haircut. it's not that my father really needs a companion, its just that places where my father goes are a big deal lately. my parents have issues, you see. but of course, i shall not let the world know about that. the specifics, i mean. i am a good daughter. at least, when i'm in angeles.*wink*. anyway, because of those issues, he has to have someone who will serve as his witness, or something like that, so as not to enlarge the already large issues. and guess who served that purpose? of course,no one else but the one ranting about her bushy hair in a corner. i'm being a slob these days so asking me to even stand is work with a capital letter W. so, in order to convince me, he promised that something will be done to answer my complains in life. and voila. i don't have that "mahangin-ba-sa-labas" look anymore.

i can't wait for you to see me.

specially you. you'll be sorry for everything that you have done. swear.

and now i complain about my huge forehead. having straight hair makes it more than obvious. if ghary sees me..all he'll ever talk about will be the moon.

i don't know where i am getting this sense of humor. i know, it's corny for you. well, i am not asking for you to laugh. i am asking myself to laugh.

things affect me. more than you'll ever know.

wasted

2007-01-14T01:08:00.000-08:00

i am wasting my time. i am fully aware of it but still i refuse to budge. come tuesday, i would be the walking concept of exhaustion. what the hell am i doing with my life. i have a lot of things to do but i haven't started anything yet. i really am a model student. who would make a paper regarding stem cells, study arc lengths and read about simone de something rather than take senseless internet quizzes anyway?

btw, i'm loving calla lilly lately. i can't take kean singing "take my hand" off my my mind. don't worry yael, i still love you.

i look like hermione. the hair. i was wishing for the brain. i got the hair instead.

my japanese name

2007-01-13T03:47:00.000-08:00

Sachi Washio

***
jun matsumoto, meet sachi washio.

lawyer. yeah right.

2007-01-13T03:28:00.000-08:00

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor) You're logical, driven, and ruthless.
You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.
***
never thought of that one. funny.

how is me in love?

2007-01-13T03:21:00.000-08:00

How You Are In Love You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

***

i fall hard. nice to know.

themesong ng buhay ko.harhar.

2007-01-13T02:56:00.000-08:00

Ooh?
I'm not missin' you?
(Hmmm)?

Been through just about everything,
That i could go through,
When it comes to relationships.
Don't know what i was missing
Or why i ain't listen
When i told myself that was it.
But here i go,
Hurt again.
Cause of my curiosity.
Now that it's over,
What else could it be,
Besides a cheat?

I made a promise never to settle,
Why didn't i keep it?
Cause i hided the heart break, cryin' and cheatin',
The fooling around.
But i'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
But this time is different;
I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...

It's a shame in way,
Cause i feel that i may not
Ever find the right one for me.
Did i leave him this year,
Right n front of my face (oh).
Will my love ever be?
Why would i go,
on a search again?
When i know what the
end will be.
What good is love
When it keeps on hurting me?

I made a promise never to settle,
Why didn't i keep it?
Cause i hided the heart break, cryin' and cheatin',
The fooling around.
But i'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
But this time is different;
I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...
(repeat 2x)

No, i can't be with you
Cause i'm sacred.
Felt like i was falling when you left me.
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what i'm missing
Or the person that i could be.
Love's good when it's right.
Bad, when it's left in you memory.
All the times, and anytime.
I guess love would be nice for someone, as this life...
I'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go
(i used to hate it).
Different...
(don't feel the) distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
(knocking at my door)
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
(this is the best day of my life)
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
Different...
(don't feel the) distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you......

(Ohhh)
I'm not missin' you...
No baby...
I'm not missin' you..

so simple, stacie orrico

2007-01-13T02:48:00.000-08:00

(It could all be so simple, simple)

Don't need high heels
For a good feel
You can keep the fancy clothes
I'll take walkin in the rain
Over things material
I'll trade Melrose and the big names
Give me faces that I know
Just play a melody that everybody knows

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

Give me wisdom, plain and truthful
Teach me somethin I don't know
Plain as education, inspiration I suppose (yeah yeah)
Give me family, on a Sunday
And I'll be just fine
There's nothing in the world
That's worth more of my time

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

Livin my dream, is my song to the world
(let 'em hear it)
Sharin' my soul and spirit
I'm hopin that you hear it
Got one (one) life (life) to live (live)
It's only what you make it (make it)
Every new day's a chance worth takin

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

sulat, moonstar 88

2007-01-13T02:38:00.001-08:00

Sa kanyang mga mata
Di mo makita na mahal ka niya
Dahil sa pagkakamaling nagawa
Noong kayo'y magkaeskwela pa

Sabi nya ikaw lang ang mahal
Seryoso sya sa laht ng pangako sinta
Ikaw lang hinihintay maghapon
Hanggang maguwian na

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

May kanta ka pa s knya
Yun pala'y kanta mo din yon sa iba
Nalaman mo di lang pala ikaw
Ang pinaibig nya ha....

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

Sabi nya ikaw lng ang mahal
Seryoso sya sa lahat ng pangako sinta

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

random thoughts

2007-01-12T20:01:00.000-08:00

there's something wrong with my "will i really be able to accomplish all of these" entry. the latter sentences just won't get large enough to be read no matter how i edit it. maybe you're just not destined to read it. don't worry. I'm not plotting anyone's downfall.

people i look up to. to bits and pieces. hehe.

Bob Ong and Lia D. Cruz.

I lurve them.

such great writers these people are.

"masaya akong hindi ko maabot ang galing niya sa pagsusulat at lalim ng pananaw sa mundo. Ibig sabihin, habang buhay akong may titingalaing idolo."
--Bob Ong

i also dreamed of being a writer once. don't know what happened. it just died, i guess. i wasted my time thinking of other people that i died.

now i don't know what to do. i want to do something. but there is just nothing to do. or i just don't know what to do. now I'm becoming senseless again.

going to med school?

i realy want to study. i'm not afraid of those ten years. i actually think I'm loving that idea. there are still doubts though. i keep on thinking. what if i kill the patient? I'm such a clumsy person and i think i need to drink sustagen premium coz of this memory gap thing. i don't know if I'll really be able to handle situations involving life and death.

there's someone playing the boom tarat tarat tune outside our gate.

I'll become a doctor. maybe if i will become a doctor, i will be able to do something to really help that someone rather then just give him money. and I'll also be able to help a lot of other someones as well.

much is given to me that's why much is expected from me. i love you Mr. John David Ong.

about the people that i will kill accidentally, if ever... i hope they don't exist. God help me. I'm so confused. I'm always confused. epiphany, come on, hit me.

I like the way i write today. :)

writing. i will write. I'll be a doctor-writer. but I'll not write about medical stuff. it's toxic enough to study it. I'll write about romances, adventures, magic and dreams. Then it will become a movie. a blockbuster even. haha. and because this is my dream, i'll also play the role of the leading lady. i'm having a hard time choosing my prince. who will it be? daniel radcliffe, jun matsumoto, orlando bloom, or ysmael yrastorza yuzon? whoever. but it would certainly be not him. i doubt it if he can act. damn it. erase him. he should not be in my dreams.

no.

actually, he should be there.

20 years from now.

him: hi karen. how are you? it's been a long time since we last talked.
me: uh, excuse me, do i know you?
him: we went to the same college, remember?
me: not really.
him: oh, okay.
me: wait, i think i remember. you're *toot*, right?
him:yeah. glad you remembered.
me: of course. too bad you *toot*. oh,(insert name of a debonair with brains) , come, meet *toot*. *toot*, this is (insert again), my (i don't know). (you know who)(not voldemort) , this is *toot*, we went to the same college once. too bad he *toot*.

haha. I'll have the last laugh. You'll see.

revenge is mine.

or maybe...

you can be my patient in the future. and you'll be one of those who i will willingly accidentally kill. but because we had that "pinagsamahan" thing, i will not let you suffer. i will accidentally kill you in a jiffy. maybe I'll just cut your IV or something. hahahaha. and when questioned, i can just say that what happened was an accident and that it really is your time to go anyway. and maybe i can also add a few technical terms to that so it will look more professional. haha. I'll kill you. hahahaha.

the last time i was hurt, i imagined him having lung cancer. look at that, i'm becoming stronger. now i am imagining killing the current him myself.

i am plotting someone's downfall.

bad me.

haha.

liar

2007-01-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

gaguhan na to. ginagago mo na ko.

"i'm not going to be here
if i'm not going to stay."

i should've used my f*ckin' brain. who, in their right minds, would believe a forwarded sms message like this? yep, only me. only me.

what i learned in sc.
emotions. they are non-logical responses to situations.

that was illogical alright.

damn it.

you shouldn't have started if you have no intentions of finishing it. you shouldn't have told things if you weren't serious about them. and now you'll just laugh and say you're gonna move. that's it. i wonder who's dumber. is it me for believing in you or is it you for being such an asshole?

it's you. you're stupid because stupidity naturally runs in your veins.

I'm stupid because i only chose to be stupid. for you.

for the second time around.

when will i ever learn?

or is this the third time?

i hate you.

what will you feel if i fell for him instead?

or if i show the world that i fell for him instead?

bad karen.

you are not even a man, why the hell did i chose you?

i hate you.

i only chose to be stupid. it's time to change my mind. before it's too late.

senseless. don't read.

2007-01-12T09:08:00.000-08:00

just got home. missed our computer. napunan narin ang aking pananabik sa pagbblog.haha. si mama kasi nagbabayad ng internet fee dito. unlike sa internet cafes sa baguio, ako.
the trip was good. didn't notice the time kasi kasama ko si marck. tama nga yata siya. mas mahaba nga yata ang Pangasinan kesa sa Tarlac. Kapag wala ka ng magawa sa bus, pati mga ganitong bagay pinagiisipan mo narin.
walang pasok sa zoo knina. but still, i came to school before 4 pm. my plan was to research something for our zoo paper, something about the stem cells thing. but i ended up "sitting in" in a speech communication class with kristel instead.I'm uber easy to persuade, swear. Anyway, I like this subject naman. plus, i get to learn new things and laugh at ma'am joy's antics without having to take quizzes. sit in nga lang kasi eh, duh.
after that, kristel and i went to the library. guess who i saw. what i did next was just so me. i can't function correctly with him directly on my way so i just turned away and pretended to talk to kristel. kunyari di ko siya napansin. that was pathetic. nakita niya kayang nakita ko siya. i hate me.
isa pang katangahan. nagkasalubong kami ni cyril. tapos, i almost tripped on something. xit, baka isipin ng ungas na yun nagkakandarapa ako sa kanya.
bakit ba lahat ng crush ko nalalaman na crush ko sila?
feeling naman nila?
xet, makarine.
hai nq. wlang patutunguhan to.
i told you this is senseless.

first post ever na nasa baguio ako.

2007-01-11T03:22:00.000-08:00

at netopia right now..with cherrie and kristel..katatapos lang fumuds sa food court at pagusapan ang mga pangyayari sa aming buhay-buhay.

yaku: girl, pano niyo nalaman na he is the one na?
ila: basta, iba ang feeling.
yaku: anong iba?
ila: basta iba.
yaku: eh pano kung hindi ko ma-feel yung iba?
ila: edi wala tlaga.
yaku: ???
ila: di hindi xa. wala ba talaga?
yaku: wala eh..baka someday? after ten years?
ila: kawawa naman siya.
yaku: eh anong gagawin ko. aya ko naman talaga na ma-hurt siya.
ila: di maiiwasan yun eh.
yaku: pero di pa naman love yun diba?
ila: dipa. di ka pa naman kasi niya kilala. dapat kasi sa love tanggap na lahat.
yaku: so di pa talaga siya ganun mahhurt?
ila: medio.
yaku: hai.

**i too think that the conversation was somehow corny. hehe. parang yung mga napapanood lang sa teleseryes. but THIS thing really bothers me. to pieces. and i am glad that they were there. i'm still confused. but at least, it was lessened because of those two.

patawarin mo ako
mapaglarong isipan
mapapatawad mo ba ako
o sadyang makakalimutan
ang mga sulat ko sayo

**funny. buong araw ko ng kinakanta to pero di ko parin memorize. hehe. yung first two lines lang para sayo diyan.

**wala kaming class sa zoo tomorrow!! yahoo!!

**badtrip nga lang 4 pa pasok ko. ngayon palng tinatamad nako.xet.

**ung lintik plang paper sa socsci.. nung tuesday lang kinuha. pootek.

**at walng LE.

**at walang pasok nung thursday and friday. literal. leche.

**malapit na ang favorite episode ko sa princess hours. excited nko.

**nag-flame tes kami kanina. ganda ng flames. hehe..

COLLEGE.
mahirap. magulo. masaya.

2007-01-02T05:07:00.000-08:00

I'll be going back to Baguio tomorrow. Sadness. Making it even sadder, I haven't finished my Soc Sci paper yet. But thank God I'm almost there. Anyway, still have to study about stoichiometry after that. This is what happens when you spend your free time hibernating. Yeah, I remembered promising to use this Christmas break wisely. hehe. how I wish I remembered that earlier. Well, what can I do? Procrastination really runs in my veins. Maybe I was a sloth in my previous life. Children, s-l-o-t-h, a lazy mammal(okay, i'm not sure if it is a mammal. but it's furry! most mammals are furry diba? basta.. it's an animal. yun, animal nalang.) that just hangs around in trees all day. Now, that's life!

***

"the hardest part
about
walking away
from him
is the part
where I have
to realize
that he'll
never
ever
run after
me.."

=,(

***

will i really be able to really accomplish these?

2007-01-01T05:41:00.000-08:00

i will color my nails with every color that is known to man.
i will learn how to paint. then, i will paint the perfect blue-orange sky with a rising moon. is there such thing as a rising moon? i will find out if there is a rising moon.
i will learn how to play the guitar.
i will read a lot of novels. and i will learn from them.
i will learn how to cook.
i will make a daily schedule. and i will follow it. strictly.
i will push myself to my limit when it comes to my studies. it's time to see what i really got.
i will will drink eight glasses of water a day.
i will learn how to drive.
i will show people around me how much i value them.
i will have a henna tattoo. gusto ko yung tribal.
i will make my masterpiece known to the world. so that the world won't ever forget me.
i will budget my money more wisely.
i will have another ear pierce.
i will laugh a lot.
i will buy stacie orrico's latest album. beautiful awakening.

**still more to come!:)

uhm,,nagbadminton kami ni aika.

2006-12-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

pagod...
nag-badminton kami ni aika. its slightly magastos but its masaya naman. i'm thinking..what if i-develop ko ang aking badminton skills para at least naman i have a sport diba. kesa naman sa tatanungin ka tapos sagot mo lang "wala" o di kaya "jackstone" para mas athletic naman and dating. harhar.
anyway, pag nag-kikita kami ni aika, mawala na ang lahat wag lang ang chikahan moments. so un, isinangguni (wala akong kasyon, promise.) ko sa kanya ang aking mga inaalala. haha. somehow, i was enlightened naman.
i wouldn't fight for you. tell me i'm full of pride but still i won't. its your job, not mine. i know i can have what i want if i will do something. but then, i don't really want to have someone that became mine not because it is his will but because he knew that he doesn't have to do anything. i will not go down to that level anymore. i don't know what will happen next. i'm still hoping that things will go back to the way it was before. that is, if there was even a before. but then,i'm starting to realize that what i am hoping for will never become a reality. kahit hatakin pa xa ng chora(socsci 13, gender and society).maybe it's just not meant to be. i'm not afraid to lose you. coz you weren't even mine. and..i've been this way before(kanta?). mas malala pa nga ung dati. i can handle myself now. i know this is gasgas na. pero, i really really want to say this.

it's your loss, not mine.

alang pakyelaman, blog ku ini. wa, kapampangan ku! (pero ditak mu ing balu kung sabyan keng kapampangan.hehe.)

and, as for you. i deeply appreciate everything. the spongebob, the breakfast, and the song(daw). thank you. very much. i hope you'll still be there someday. someday... maybe.

looks like i will return to my old self after all huh.

i don't mind. i'm happy this way.

plankton

2006-12-18T19:18:00.000-08:00

if you see me walking with him,

it is not because i enjoy walking with him.

it is because you weren't there to walk with me.

if you see me calling him,

it is not because i want him to be with me.

it is because you wouldn't hear me.

if you see me smiling when i see him,

it is not because i am happy.

it is because im trying to hide the pain that you've brought.

if you see me crying,

it is not because of him.

it is because of you.

all i ever wanted is for you to fight for me.

2006-12-18T08:30:00.000-08:00

pusang gala.

mahal ko na to.

JUN MATSUMOTO

what if..

he is the one for me?

hey, no harm in dreaming.

and,

wala kang karapatang kumontra.

blog ko to noh.

christmas break na!

2006-12-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

at last...

after waiting for so long...

it finally arrived...

harhar.

C H R I S T M A S B R E A K na!

ang tagal ko ring inasam-asam ito. sobrang stressed na kasi ako sa school. sobrang disappointed narin ako sa grades ko. chem. trigo. zoo. socsci 13. eng 1. pootek. PE lang ata gusto kong subject. don't get me wrong. i'm not the type of person who is inclined to physical activities. it just so happened that our PE teacher is great. well, not that my other teachers are not great... okay, they're not. for me, at least.

let's start with my math 14 teacher.

math 14 is hard. sadly, my teacher has a way of making it harder. i don't really understand his explanation regarding eponential and logarithmic functions. basically, it is because i can't see what he is writing on the board. damn it. i am a near sighted person. isn't it obvious with my glasses?! why the hell will you make me sit in the far corner of the classroom?! for crying out loud, i cannot see! another thing, what's with writing from right to left? and please explain the cap. it is so distracting. especially if its orange. i can't help but wonder. what are you hiding in your head? poknat noh? harhar. i'm so harsh na. okay, enough na muna with him. for now.

lets go to my chem teacher.

she's a very talented person. she just proved it in the recently held pasiklaban (ISKOLAR NG BAYAN, NGAYON AY PASIKLABAN! NGAYON AY PASIKLABAN, ISKOLAR NG BAYAN!--commercial lang.hehe.) she is also pretty. as in. pamatay. she's nice. she's smart. yeah, she's bloody samrt. MBB course niya. and she just graduated from Diliman. cum laude lang naman ang lola mo. she's mahinhin, very maria clara-like. perfect na nga xa eh. un nga lang..she wasn't born a teacher. she cannot explain. un na un. ang mahirap pa dun, ang hirap niya magbigay ng exam! so, you have no choice but to study by yourself. literally. another sad fact pa, we have the same balck coat! pootek. favorite ko pa naman yun. di ko tuloy masuot twing TTH. I'm not saying na i am the only one who have the right to wear that coat. my point is, sa dami dami naman ng makakapareho, xa pa. sadness.

now, to my zoo teacher.

she's kind. but not during exams. nakakaloko ang 1st LE namin sa kanya. un tipong, hindi mo alam kung tama o mali ka sa sobrang kalituhan. leche. nag-aral ako ha! in fact, i even memorized the invertebrate phyllum thing with their classes. nabaliw-blaiw ako. pero ano? hindi nag-appear!!! it hurts. it hurts a lot. at ano ang lumabas? puro mitosis meiosis chorva. leche. madali kung iisipin. pero kung ikaw ang nag-take ng exam na yun...anyway, past is past. hmmp.

eng 1?

assignment to the max. un lang. in one day, siguro may mga 3 to 5 assignments kami na dapat i-pass next meeting. kamusta naman yun? meron pang journal thing. ten entries= 1 point. ang lupet. xet.

socsci 13?

gender and society. kung ang eng 1 assignment to the max, ang socsci, papers to the max.

see. who will not be stressed? who'se grades will not suffer?

but then...

its not really my teachers' fault. it has even nothing to do with the difficulty of my subjects. what happens to me and what will happen to me all depends upon me. i am the master of my life. what i sow is what i reap. i cannot just blame everybody. i can only blame myself.

this situation calls for me to push myself to the limit. and from that i will not retreat. but of course, i will not do it to the extent of losing my social life. harhar. you only live once. and you only go to college once. you should go to college only once. *emphasis on should*.

i will double my efforts. triple it if needed. i promise not to waste this christmas break. i will really really study. i will do what i can.

if in the end i will lose, at least it is because it is not really for me and not because i didn't have the guts to accept the challenge and fight.

biglang serious?!?