random thoughts

there's something wrong with my "will i really be able to accomplish all of these" entry. the latter sentences just won't get large enough to be read no matter how i edit it. maybe you're just not destined to read it. don't worry. I'm not plotting anyone's downfall.

people i look up to. to bits and pieces. hehe.

Bob Ong and Lia D. Cruz.

I lurve them.

such great writers these people are.

"masaya akong hindi ko maabot ang galing niya sa pagsusulat at lalim ng pananaw sa mundo. Ibig sabihin, habang buhay akong may titingalaing idolo."
--Bob Ong

i also dreamed of being a writer once. don't know what happened. it just died, i guess. i wasted my time thinking of other people that i died.

now i don't know what to do. i want to do something. but there is just nothing to do. or i just don't know what to do. now I'm becoming senseless again.

going to med school?

i realy want to study. i'm not afraid of those ten years. i actually think I'm loving that idea. there are still doubts though. i keep on thinking. what if i kill the patient? I'm such a clumsy person and i think i need to drink sustagen premium coz of this memory gap thing. i don't know if I'll really be able to handle situations involving life and death.

there's someone playing the boom tarat tarat tune outside our gate.

I'll become a doctor. maybe if i will become a doctor, i will be able to do something to really help that someone rather then just give him money. and I'll also be able to help a lot of other someones as well.

much is given to me that's why much is expected from me. i love you Mr. John David Ong.

about the people that i will kill accidentally, if ever... i hope they don't exist. God help me. I'm so confused. I'm always confused. epiphany, come on, hit me.

I like the way i write today. :)

writing. i will write. I'll be a doctor-writer. but I'll not write about medical stuff. it's toxic enough to study it. I'll write about romances, adventures, magic and dreams. Then it will become a movie. a blockbuster even. haha. and because this is my dream, i'll also play the role of the leading lady. i'm having a hard time choosing my prince. who will it be? daniel radcliffe, jun matsumoto, orlando bloom, or ysmael yrastorza yuzon? whoever. but it would certainly be not him. i doubt it if he can act. damn it. erase him. he should not be in my dreams.

no.

actually, he should be there.

20 years from now.

him: hi karen. how are you? it's been a long time since we last talked.
me: uh, excuse me, do i know you?
him: we went to the same college, remember?
me: not really.
him: oh, okay.
me: wait, i think i remember. you're *toot*, right?
him:yeah. glad you remembered.
me: of course. too bad you *toot*. oh,(insert name of a debonair with brains) , come, meet *toot*. *toot*, this is (insert again), my (i don't know). (you know who)(not voldemort) , this is *toot*, we went to the same college once. too bad he *toot*.

haha. I'll have the last laugh. You'll see.

revenge is mine.

or maybe...

you can be my patient in the future. and you'll be one of those who i will willingly accidentally kill. but because we had that "pinagsamahan" thing, i will not let you suffer. i will accidentally kill you in a jiffy. maybe I'll just cut your IV or something. hahahaha. and when questioned, i can just say that what happened was an accident and that it really is your time to go anyway. and maybe i can also add a few technical terms to that so it will look more professional. haha. I'll kill you. hahahaha.

the last time i was hurt, i imagined him having lung cancer. look at that, i'm becoming stronger. now i am imagining killing the current him myself.

i am plotting someone's downfall.

bad me.

haha.