the first time i said ****.

i am so damn tired of my life. everything is going too fast that i am unable to grasp anything. i am not happy. i am not going anywhere. everyday, i just get more and more disappointed with myself . i feel useless. i feel like a crap. i feel dumb. i feel insecure. i am thinking too much. simply put, i am currently swimming in a pool of depression. i'm still clinging for dear life, but if this continues, i will eventually drown. nearing nervous breakdown here.
i have tried milkshake, ice cream, chocolates...but i'm still far from feeling better.
and what's the cause of my lame self pitying? duh. academics. it is my life right now. though i hate the fact that it is stasrting to control my life, i just can't help it. i am not getting what i want and it makes me feel..arggh..i can't describe it...and that adds to the anger circulating all over me right now.
note: what i feel is not anger. it's just something of that sort.
i flunked math. class standing is NOT good. Zoo and Chem are not helping. with this state, the idea of attending the college scholar chorvs isn't really appealing. that will be humilitation in its most conspicuous form. am i using the word correctly? i can't even write right. or blog right? whatever.
even blooging lost its soothing effect.
i want to give up. i just want to sleep.
give up.
give up.
give up.


** do not think that i have turned into a grade conscious monster. i don't believe so. i am just disappointed with myself.f*ck.
(i don't really use that word. see how disappointed i am right now?)


i am not sure if you understand me. so please don't judge me.

HELP ME.