Torn between two lovers

Aaaaand I'm back. 

Once upon a time, I chose this to be my battlefield. I was so sure that I wanted this, to be here, that I actually asked the heavens for it. Now, I am not anymore sure. There are times when I just really want to stay at home. The whole gang is there and they are growing old. I want to be there, to be able to help and to just be there.  But then I know that if I do stay there, I will stagnate. Because that is what happens when everything is at the tip of your fingertips- you do not anymore move the rest of your body. So there you remain, stunted. It is a struggle, really. I wish I could go back to the time when I know what I really want.

I cannot choose because it's really a 50-50 fight. I know that unless I make that decision I will not have a next step. You need a direction before you can move forward.