smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

just started my drums lessons. hmm.. how to describe it? well, i looked like a fool in front of a somehow cute teacher. i don't know the notes. i keep on mixing the quarter and the half. ma'am emee will cut my head off if she learns about this. anyway, i'll just study ahead next wednesday. i'll practice with all my heart!
grabe, his hands was so soft...hayy...
tell more about it later. finishing a paper.
lecheng buhay puro paper.

just to blog.

i wasn't really able to study for our last chem lab long exam. and now i suffer. you see, i'm still alive. i did not die of coffee overdose. damn. i didn't even had a cup. haha. i just slept. anyway, there's always another LE.
mediocrity-these past few days, i am its walking concept.
***
will start my drums lessons tomorrow. can't wait.
***

i have a dreaded LE tomorrow and i am goofing around.

we will have a chem lab LE tomorrow. midterms. and i haven't studied yet. i tried. yesterday. i even went to the library and carried a heavy GENERAL CHEMISTRY book. i opened my notes and i read. information just won't diffuse through my brain cells though. they are currently showing they're protest against the fluid mosaic model which says they should be semi-permeable. good for me. i ended up sneaking a bar of chocolate in the library. and look, i still have time to blog. I'll die tonight. cause of death: coffee overdose.
and i still have a speech to make.. we'll be having an oral exam in English 1. and oh, a draft for a paper in soc sci13. and another long exam in zoo lab. i still have to implant on my brain cells how they look like under the microscope. boy will they be shocked. haha.
***
i bought strawberries. funny, second sem will already end and it is only now that i bought strawberries. well, for one thing it's because they're expensive. 40 pesos per kilo.
***
i am shocking myself lately. i will be taking DRUMS lessons. there is something wrong here. it sounds awkward. drums lessons. haha. weird. anyway, you get the idea. just tell me what's wrong. i didn't tell my parents about it. it will just be some sort of surprise. i'll pay the lessons with my savings. would-be savings, i mean. just one more thing, we don't have drums at home. maybe i should just take guitar lessons. enlighten me people of the world. what should i take?
***
bought a new nail polish. can't wait to color my toe nails away.
***
been blog-hopping. sadness. almost everyone i know are experiencing heart aches. i may not understand how they really feel but i know its really bad. i wish i could do something for them. just tell me guys.
***
i finally saw what i have been looking for. a painting manual/ err..instruction book. whatever. i'll paint. though i don't know how, I'm positive. I'll learn.
***
to my ever dearest father solomon turiano: with all my heart, i thank you for granting my request.

***
i promise to study. and to use my time wisely. effective an hour after i type this period. there.
***
(got this from pre's blog)

"Man tries to search for the reason, for that driving force, for that energy, for that power, in order for him to survive in this round plane, and to know why he exists. When he finds it, is he satisfied?"

i would never rush a paper again. ever.

my zoology paper sucks. i hate it. i hate me for not doing it earlier. and now it sounded like a pro-life advertisement. it is crap. but i would be leaving in about an hour. i cannot do anything about its crappiness anymore. i should have blogged less and thought about stem cells more.

i knew this would happen but i didn't care. and now, behold the consequences.

i knew that would happen but i did not stop. and now i looked like an utter fool.

i live life in a way that is similar to my way of finishing papers. in a rush. plans without actions.

that is why my paper and my life are also similar. pointless.

the only dissimilarity is, i have time to change my life. i cannot undo but i can always type something new.

i am not making sense.

my so called brain does not anymore exist. i kid you not. i have been trying to finish this zoology paper since last night. i just can't think anymore.

i'm gonna die.soon.

i look like Hermione. when she went to the yule ball. haha.

i was just sitting in a corner earlier, ranting about my bushy hair when my father came. he told me to go with him as he will be having his haircut. it's not that my father really needs a companion, its just that places where my father goes are a big deal lately. my parents have issues, you see. but of course, i shall not let the world know about that. the specifics, i mean. i am a good daughter. at least, when i'm in angeles.*wink*. anyway, because of those issues, he has to have someone who will serve as his witness, or something like that, so as not to enlarge the already large issues. and guess who served that purpose? of course,no one else but the one ranting about her bushy hair in a corner. i'm being a slob these days so asking me to even stand is work with a capital letter W. so, in order to convince me, he promised that something will be done to answer my complains in life. and voila. i don't have that "mahangin-ba-sa-labas" look anymore.

i can't wait for you to see me.

specially you. you'll be sorry for everything that you have done. swear.

and now i complain about my huge forehead. having straight hair makes it more than obvious. if ghary sees me..all he'll ever talk about will be the moon.

i don't know where i am getting this sense of humor. i know, it's corny for you. well, i am not asking for you to laugh. i am asking myself to laugh.

things affect me. more than you'll ever know.

wasted

i am wasting my time. i am fully aware of it but still i refuse to budge. come tuesday, i would be the walking concept of exhaustion. what the hell am i doing with my life. i have a lot of things to do but i haven't started anything yet. i really am a model student. who would make a paper regarding stem cells, study arc lengths and read about simone de something rather than take senseless internet quizzes anyway?

btw, i'm loving calla lilly lately. i can't take kean singing "take my hand" off my my mind. don't worry yael, i still love you.

i look like hermione. the hair. i was wishing for the brain. i got the hair instead.

my japanese name

Sachi Washio

***
jun matsumoto, meet sachi washio.

lawyer. yeah right.

You Should Get a JD (Juris Doctor) You're logical, driven, and ruthless.
You'd make a mighty fine lawyer.
***
never thought of that one. funny.

how is me in love?

How You Are In Love You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give completely and unconditionally in relationships.

You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

***

i fall hard. nice to know.

themesong ng buhay ko.harhar.

Ooh?
I'm not missin' you?
(Hmmm)?

Been through just about everything,
That i could go through,
When it comes to relationships.
Don't know what i was missing
Or why i ain't listen
When i told myself that was it.
But here i go,
Hurt again.
Cause of my curiosity.
Now that it's over,
What else could it be,
Besides a cheat?

I made a promise never to settle,
Why didn't i keep it?
Cause i hided the heart break, cryin' and cheatin',
The fooling around.
But i'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
But this time is different;
I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...

It's a shame in way,
Cause i feel that i may not
Ever find the right one for me.
Did i leave him this year,
Right n front of my face (oh).
Will my love ever be?
Why would i go,
on a search again?
When i know what the
end will be.
What good is love
When it keeps on hurting me?

I made a promise never to settle,
Why didn't i keep it?
Cause i hided the heart break, cryin' and cheatin',
The fooling around.
But i'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
But this time is different;
I don't even feel the distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...
(repeat 2x)

No, i can't be with you
Cause i'm sacred.
Felt like i was falling when you left me.
I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what i'm missing
Or the person that i could be.
Love's good when it's right.
Bad, when it's left in you memory.
All the times, and anytime.
I guess love would be nice for someone, as this life...
I'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
I'm not missin' you.
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
I got lots to do.
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go
(i used to hate it).
Different...
(don't feel the) distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you...

I'm not going through emotions,
Waiting and a hoping you call me.
(knocking at my door)
You mighta had me open,
But i must be goin' because,
(this is the best day of my life)
I know i'm usually hanging on,
I used to hate to see you go.
Different...
(don't feel the) distance.
I'm not missin'; i'm not missin' you......

(Ohhh)
I'm not missin' you...
No baby...
I'm not missin' you..

so simple, stacie orrico

(It could all be so simple, simple)

Don't need high heels
For a good feel
You can keep the fancy clothes
I'll take walkin in the rain
Over things material
I'll trade Melrose and the big names
Give me faces that I know
Just play a melody that everybody knows

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

Give me wisdom, plain and truthful
Teach me somethin I don't know
Plain as education, inspiration I suppose (yeah yeah)
Give me family, on a Sunday
And I'll be just fine
There's nothing in the world
That's worth more of my time

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

Livin my dream, is my song to the world
(let 'em hear it)
Sharin' my soul and spirit
I'm hopin that you hear it
Got one (one) life (life) to live (live)
It's only what you make it (make it)
Every new day's a chance worth takin

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
(so simple, so simple, simple)

sulat, moonstar 88

Sa kanyang mga mata
Di mo makita na mahal ka niya
Dahil sa pagkakamaling nagawa
Noong kayo'y magkaeskwela pa

Sabi nya ikaw lang ang mahal
Seryoso sya sa laht ng pangako sinta
Ikaw lang hinihintay maghapon
Hanggang maguwian na


Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

May kanta ka pa s knya
Yun pala'y kanta mo din yon sa iba
Nalaman mo di lang pala ikaw
Ang pinaibig nya ha....

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo



Sabi nya ikaw lng ang mahal
Seryoso sya sa lahat ng pangako sinta

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

Patawarin mo ako
Mapaglarong isipan
Mapapatawad mo ba ako
O sadyang makakalimutan
Ang mga sulat ko sayo

random thoughts

there's something wrong with my "will i really be able to accomplish all of these" entry. the latter sentences just won't get large enough to be read no matter how i edit it. maybe you're just not destined to read it. don't worry. I'm not plotting anyone's downfall.

people i look up to. to bits and pieces. hehe.

Bob Ong and Lia D. Cruz.

I lurve them.

such great writers these people are.

"masaya akong hindi ko maabot ang galing niya sa pagsusulat at lalim ng pananaw sa mundo. Ibig sabihin, habang buhay akong may titingalaing idolo."
--Bob Ong

i also dreamed of being a writer once. don't know what happened. it just died, i guess. i wasted my time thinking of other people that i died.

now i don't know what to do. i want to do something. but there is just nothing to do. or i just don't know what to do. now I'm becoming senseless again.

going to med school?

i realy want to study. i'm not afraid of those ten years. i actually think I'm loving that idea. there are still doubts though. i keep on thinking. what if i kill the patient? I'm such a clumsy person and i think i need to drink sustagen premium coz of this memory gap thing. i don't know if I'll really be able to handle situations involving life and death.

there's someone playing the boom tarat tarat tune outside our gate.

I'll become a doctor. maybe if i will become a doctor, i will be able to do something to really help that someone rather then just give him money. and I'll also be able to help a lot of other someones as well.

much is given to me that's why much is expected from me. i love you Mr. John David Ong.

about the people that i will kill accidentally, if ever... i hope they don't exist. God help me. I'm so confused. I'm always confused. epiphany, come on, hit me.

I like the way i write today. :)

writing. i will write. I'll be a doctor-writer. but I'll not write about medical stuff. it's toxic enough to study it. I'll write about romances, adventures, magic and dreams. Then it will become a movie. a blockbuster even. haha. and because this is my dream, i'll also play the role of the leading lady. i'm having a hard time choosing my prince. who will it be? daniel radcliffe, jun matsumoto, orlando bloom, or ysmael yrastorza yuzon? whoever. but it would certainly be not him. i doubt it if he can act. damn it. erase him. he should not be in my dreams.

no.

actually, he should be there.

20 years from now.

him: hi karen. how are you? it's been a long time since we last talked.
me: uh, excuse me, do i know you?
him: we went to the same college, remember?
me: not really.
him: oh, okay.
me: wait, i think i remember. you're *toot*, right?
him:yeah. glad you remembered.
me: of course. too bad you *toot*. oh,(insert name of a debonair with brains) , come, meet *toot*. *toot*, this is (insert again), my (i don't know). (you know who)(not voldemort) , this is *toot*, we went to the same college once. too bad he *toot*.

haha. I'll have the last laugh. You'll see.

revenge is mine.

or maybe...

you can be my patient in the future. and you'll be one of those who i will willingly accidentally kill. but because we had that "pinagsamahan" thing, i will not let you suffer. i will accidentally kill you in a jiffy. maybe I'll just cut your IV or something. hahahaha. and when questioned, i can just say that what happened was an accident and that it really is your time to go anyway. and maybe i can also add a few technical terms to that so it will look more professional. haha. I'll kill you. hahahaha.

the last time i was hurt, i imagined him having lung cancer. look at that, i'm becoming stronger. now i am imagining killing the current him myself.

i am plotting someone's downfall.

bad me.

haha.

liar

gaguhan na to. ginagago mo na ko.

"i'm not going to be here
if i'm not going to stay."

i should've used my f*ckin' brain. who, in their right minds, would believe a forwarded sms message like this? yep, only me. only me.

what i learned in sc.
emotions. they are non-logical responses to situations.

that was illogical alright.

damn it.

you shouldn't have started if you have no intentions of finishing it. you shouldn't have told things if you weren't serious about them. and now you'll just laugh and say you're gonna move. that's it. i wonder who's dumber. is it me for believing in you or is it you for being such an asshole?

it's you. you're stupid because stupidity naturally runs in your veins.

I'm stupid because i only chose to be stupid. for you.

for the second time around.

when will i ever learn?

or is this the third time?

i hate you.

what will you feel if i fell for him instead?

or if i show the world that i fell for him instead?

bad karen.

you are not even a man, why the hell did i chose you?

i hate you.

i only chose to be stupid. it's time to change my mind. before it's too late.

senseless. don't read.

just got home. missed our computer. napunan narin ang aking pananabik sa pagbblog.haha. si mama kasi nagbabayad ng internet fee dito. unlike sa internet cafes sa baguio, ako.
the trip was good. didn't notice the time kasi kasama ko si marck. tama nga yata siya. mas mahaba nga yata ang Pangasinan kesa sa Tarlac. Kapag wala ka ng magawa sa bus, pati mga ganitong bagay pinagiisipan mo narin.
walang pasok sa zoo knina. but still, i came to school before 4 pm. my plan was to research something for our zoo paper, something about the stem cells thing. but i ended up "sitting in" in a speech communication class with kristel instead.I'm uber easy to persuade, swear. Anyway, I like this subject naman. plus, i get to learn new things and laugh at ma'am joy's antics without having to take quizzes. sit in nga lang kasi eh, duh.
after that, kristel and i went to the library. guess who i saw. what i did next was just so me. i can't function correctly with him directly on my way so i just turned away and pretended to talk to kristel. kunyari di ko siya napansin. that was pathetic. nakita niya kayang nakita ko siya. i hate me.
isa pang katangahan. nagkasalubong kami ni cyril. tapos, i almost tripped on something. xit, baka isipin ng ungas na yun nagkakandarapa ako sa kanya.
bakit ba lahat ng crush ko nalalaman na crush ko sila?
feeling naman nila?
xet, makarine.
hai nq. wlang patutunguhan to.
i told you this is senseless.

first post ever na nasa baguio ako.

at netopia right now..with cherrie and kristel..katatapos lang fumuds sa food court at pagusapan ang mga pangyayari sa aming buhay-buhay.

yaku: girl, pano niyo nalaman na he is the one na?
ila: basta, iba ang feeling.
yaku: anong iba?
ila: basta iba.
yaku: eh pano kung hindi ko ma-feel yung iba?
ila: edi wala tlaga.
yaku: ???
ila: di hindi xa. wala ba talaga?
yaku: wala eh..baka someday? after ten years?
ila: kawawa naman siya.
yaku: eh anong gagawin ko. aya ko naman talaga na ma-hurt siya.
ila: di maiiwasan yun eh.
yaku: pero di pa naman love yun diba?
ila: dipa. di ka pa naman kasi niya kilala. dapat kasi sa love tanggap na lahat.
yaku: so di pa talaga siya ganun mahhurt?
ila: medio.
yaku: hai.

**i too think that the conversation was somehow corny. hehe. parang yung mga napapanood lang sa teleseryes. but THIS thing really bothers me. to pieces. and i am glad that they were there. i'm still confused. but at least, it was lessened because of those two.

patawarin mo ako
mapaglarong isipan
mapapatawad mo ba ako
o sadyang makakalimutan
ang mga sulat ko sayo

**funny. buong araw ko ng kinakanta to pero di ko parin memorize. hehe. yung first two lines lang para sayo diyan.

**wala kaming class sa zoo tomorrow!! yahoo!!

**badtrip nga lang 4 pa pasok ko. ngayon palng tinatamad nako.xet.

**ung lintik plang paper sa socsci.. nung tuesday lang kinuha. pootek.

**at walng LE.

**at walang pasok nung thursday and friday. literal. leche.

**malapit na ang favorite episode ko sa princess hours. excited nko.

**nag-flame tes kami kanina. ganda ng flames. hehe..

COLLEGE.
mahirap. magulo. masaya.

I'll be going back to Baguio tomorrow. Sadness. Making it even sadder, I haven't finished my Soc Sci paper yet. But thank God I'm almost there. Anyway, still have to study about stoichiometry after that. This is what happens when you spend your free time hibernating. Yeah, I remembered promising to use this Christmas break wisely. hehe. how I wish I remembered that earlier. Well, what can I do? Procrastination really runs in my veins. Maybe I was a sloth in my previous life. Children, s-l-o-t-h, a lazy mammal(okay, i'm not sure if it is a mammal. but it's furry! most mammals are furry diba? basta.. it's an animal. yun, animal nalang.) that just hangs around in trees all day. Now, that's life!

***

"the hardest part
about
walking away
from him
is the part
where I have
to realize
that he'll
never
ever
run after
me.."

=,(

***

will i really be able to really accomplish these?

i will color my nails with every color that is known to man.
i will learn how to paint. then, i will paint the perfect blue-orange sky with a rising moon. is there such thing as a rising moon? i will find out if there is a rising moon.
i will learn how to play the guitar.
i will read a lot of novels. and i will learn from them.
i will learn how to cook.
i will make a daily schedule. and i will follow it. strictly.
i will push myself to my limit when it comes to my studies. it's time to see what i really got.
i will will drink eight glasses of water a day.
i will learn how to drive.
i will show people around me how much i value them.
i will have a henna tattoo. gusto ko yung tribal.
i will make my masterpiece known to the world. so that the world won't ever forget me.
i will budget my money more wisely.
i will have another ear pierce.
i will laugh a lot.
i will buy stacie orrico's latest album. beautiful awakening.


**still more to come!:)